Fallen but not lost
by LadyBootstrap
Summary: Will tries to be a gentleman but this time he just can't manage it. Slash. Oneshot.


**Fallen but not lost**

All men fall. All men descend into the darkness eventually. All men, no matter how pure of heart, will give in eventually. It may take time- but it happens. Every man William had ever known; Norrington, Jack, Barbossa, his old mentor, his father- even Elizabeth- had fallen. And as William looked into the inky blackness of the ocean beneath he knew it was now his turn. His turn, he thought bitterly, _his _turn; for now there was no point in being a gentleman. _Or alive for that matter._

William's eyes were still fixated on the calm water supporting the huge mass of the _Pearl._ His mind could not help thinking how easy it would be to just fall. Let the cold iciness of the deep embrace him and take his sorrows away. The rum hadn't helped. Most men drink to forget but every swig of the bottle made him remember it more clearly. Remember everything. Remember _her_… With _him…_A ruddy _pirate…_People had often told William how he took after his father… So perhaps now it was the time to follow in his footsteps and sink to the bottom of the ocean.

Yes… That would be the way. The _only _way… The only way to dispose of the image etched into his memory. They never had the common decency to tell him. He had done everything, _everything_ to save her- and for what? To walk in on her rutting a bloody pirate! Of course he hadn't been angry at the time; the shock was too much- he couldn't, _wouldn't_ take it in. And he had tried to be a gentleman, tried to be happy for them but it had come to this… Now William Turner- good _respectable _William- was drunk and about to throw himself overboard the ship Jack so ardently adored. He supposed that was what justice was all about.

William bent down and picked up the cannonball he'd taken up earlier for this 'special' event. No one else was around; he'd made sure of that- made sure that no one would witness his fall from grace. This was no time to lose his last shred of dignity. He'd left no note; suicide would only upset the 'happy couple'. Let them all think it was just an accident, everything would be better off that way. His father would be freed- pirates from all over were gathering to fight Davy Jones, there was no need for a depressed Turner in the chaos to come.

The cold metal of the cannonball numbed his fingers but it would be nothing compared to the freezing waters William was about to enter. Luckily that would not last long- there would be no Aztec gold to save him from death and he highly doubted the _Flying Dutchman _would suddenly appear either. William's fate was sealed. Nothing could save him now…. He cradled the cold object in his hand, held it close to his chest and took a sharp intake of breath. Even now he couldn't get the thought of both of them out of his head- what they would be doing now at this unholy hour of the night. With his free hand he grabbed the side of the ship and-

'What'd yeh think ye be doin' lad? Did nobody tell yeh that teh ocean an' heavy objects don't mix? I'm findin' hard teh believe there's an ounce of pirate blood in yeh at all.' William felt a warm hand clasp his shoulder and a familiar voice whisper harshly in his ear.

'Don't call me that.' William said after what seemed like an age. Barbossa smiled and took his hand of William's shoulder.

'What? Lad? It's nuthin' teh be ashamed of.'

'Pirate. You called me a Pirate.' William turned around, still holding the cannonball tightly to his chest- like a mother cradling her first born. . His face was blank but Barbossa could see the inner turmoil in his eyes, the usually tanned body of William Turner had seemed to turn pale with it. The turmoil of love lost and the deep dark space at the back of a man's mind that can consume him if he lets it. If he lets life beat him down too much. He'd always had to recognise these things, it happened all the time in piracy, but he'd never expected it from William.

'Aye. Yeh are one. It'll do ye no good teh mourn feh her. Why'd yeh think women aren't allowed aboard ships?' Barbossa asked angrily. He looked infuriated at William's current condition.

William stayed silent. He let his hard, stony face answer Barbossa's question.

'Jack… He has a way with people.' Barbossa continued. 'Yeh should be glad she fought it feh so long, lad. But yeh need the pull yehself together- you ain't the first teh have yeh heart heaved from yeh chest. And yeh bloody well won't be the last. Now why don't yeh give me that cannonball- seems teh me it'd be awful heavy.'

William's unrelenting, hard, unchanging demeanour remained but he wordlessly gave Barbossa the cannonball, who weighed it in his hands for a couple of seconds before setting it down on the floor.

'Good.' Barbossa said encouragingly, before taking William's hand and leading him like a lost child. William dumbly followed- everything felt numb, he didn't think anything could feel real again.

Eventually they reached Barbossa's cabin. If William had been in his right mind he would have been surprised at Barbossa's actions but because of his present state his was oblivious to the world around him. Barbossa slowly led William inside and sat him down on his bed before pulling up a chair for himself. William silently obeyed Barbossa but never made eye contact. Barbossa sat down on the chair and turned to face William's forlorn figure. He smiled sadly at him before promptly and unceremoniously slapping him in the face.

William reeled with shock.

'You… What? I… Oww….' William rubbed his face angrily. 'What was that for?'

'Feh bein' such a woman. If yeh carry on like this I'll have teh shoot yeh.' Barbossa rolled his eyes mockingly.

'Then why didn't you let me jump?' Will shouted back, glaring at Barbossa with eyes fit for Medusa.'

'I've seen enough young men waste their lives over some tart- yeh could at least have the dignity to die in battle! Don't look at me like that… What would've been the point, lad?' Barbossa responded similarly.

'I can't feel anything anymore…'

'Don't be such a whinin' bitch. I just slapped yeh- how can yeh say that didn't hurt?'

'I didn't mean it like that…' William looked at Barbossa sadly. 'I'll never love again- never feel that rush… Never again. I just won't…' His eyes had migrated to the floor and he seemed to be inspecting a knot of wood very intently.

Barbossa looked at William with a mixture of pity and anger. On one hand he understood what William was going through. On the other hand William was acting like a nonce. That boy didn't have a sense of proportion- getting all melodramatic wouldn't help anybody, least of all himself. As for never being able to feel again- Barbossa knew that wouldn't be true but simply telling him that wouldn't help. There was only one thing to do. Barbossa put both of his hands on William's shoulders and stared deep into his eyes.

'Look lad…' He began.

And he kissed him.

William had never been more shocked in his life. All thoughts of Jack, Elizabeth and love had fled. He just sat there in shock, unable to move- letting the older man work his way over his lips.

The boy was unresponsive. Barbossa had expected that, that's how they all were. That's how he'd been the very first time. So he made the kiss deeper, harder- searching and covering every inch of Will's mouth. Rough and wild, just the way he liked it. One hand pulled Will closer to him and the other had crept round his waist.

Elizabeth was nothing like this, she was soft and gentle whilst Barbossa was hard and coarse. But William still felt that warm, familiar feeling as the blood in his body moved south. It surprised him that Barbossa could provoke such a reaction but that didn't stop him from responding. They both stood up and wrapped their arms around each other- it was impossible to tell where Barbossa ended and William began.

It made him glad that the boy had seen sense- it's a lot less enjoyable if you're lacking consent from either party; and this was proving to be _very _enjoyable. William pulled Barbossa even closer and began to fumble at his shirt buttons. It amused him that the boy was so eager, but he knew that in his fragile state this was probably was not the best time. There would always be later. Barbossa broke the kiss and clasped both of William's hands.

'Haven't yeh ever heard of waitin' lad?' He asked half-jokingly.

William's cheeks flushed and his view once again turned to the floor. Barbossa didn't know what was so interesting down there and frankly it was starting to annoy him.

'Sorry… I… I got carried away… and…' William mumbled _still_ inspecting the floor.

Barbossa used him fingers to pull William's chin up and kissed him again. William found it hard to believe both kisses had come from the same person. This one was soft, slow and lingering. The warm feeling near William's crotch increased with a burning intensity and when Barbossa unwillingly broke it he couldn't suppress the moan which had been building up in him for some time.

'Oh… God…' He whispered.

'I thought yeh weren't a pirate, lad? Gentlemen don't blaspheme.' Barbossa laughed putting his arm around Will's waist yet again.

'Gentlemen don't kiss other men either.' Will replied sardonically.

'You'd be surprised, lad. Now… I was thinkin'… With yeh bein' in such a state n' all wouldn't it be better if yeh, oh maybe, stayed somewhere safe with someone teh watch over yeh like?' He pulled William closer. 'How bout it?'

William laughed and Barbossa could see the colour returning to his cheeks again. 'Only if you don't make me wear that dress you made Elizabeth wear.'

'Of course not.' He replied and kissed William again. 'Yeh far too big for it… But I do have another if yeh interested…'

Fin

A/N From angst to deathfic to slash to OOC pairings to fluff… I'm afraid my first try at slash has been all over the place. Suggestions would be very helpful especially since I've never written slash before. Will/Barbossa is such an underused pairing- I felt it was time to give it some credit. I'd like to thank ShinyGreenApple (For giving me the idea) and DontTouchMyBird (For giving me inspiration with a Norrington/Sparrow fic).


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